What do you call a parade of rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare-line.


Did you hear about the new restaurant called, Karma? There’s no menu—you just get what you deserve.

A bear walks into a bar and says, “give me a whisky and… a cola.” The bartender asks, “Why the big pause?” The bear shrugged, “I don’t know; I was born with them.”

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.

Why did the chicken go to the séance? To get to the other side.

Why can’t you explain puns to a kleptomaniac? Because they always take things literally

How do you keep a bagel from getting away? You put lox on it.

A man tells his doctor, “Doc, I’m addicted to twitter; help me!. The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you.”

What kind of exercise to lazy people do? Diddly squats.


What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything. 

What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.


What did the 0 say to the 8? “Nice belt!” 

What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? Re-morse code.